I don't know much about love. There have been times when I thought I was in love, only to realize afterward if I had been in love, I'd probably still be in it now. I don't think true love disappears on a whim or a simple argument. It's complicated and chaotic and passionate and makes you think you're crazy. You very well may be crazy when you're falling in love. I just don't know.
I grew up with parents and grandparents who didn't exactly pour emotion out of their hearts. They didn't snuggle and kiss and do all the cutie things you imagine with love. For special occasions, flowers were given and the obligatory closed mouth kisses. There were two easy chairs in the living room and a couch for us girls. On the odd occasion mom and dad were on the couch together, we thought their chairs were broken.
I'm watching Bridges of Madison County. It's one of the few movies that truly touched my heart. I believed that Robert and Elise fell in love in a way she could never have imagined when she married and had children. Did she deserve to lose the right to such a love because of a decision made at a time when she didn't has the full scope of information? In those time, it appeared the answer was yes.
I have never watched the scene of Elise in the truck with her husband at a red light, her hand on the door, every ounce of her being fighting to go with him but holding herself back to do what was right for her children. The words "this type of certainty comes but once in a lifetime" echoing in her head.
Through it all, she had doubts of his world traveler lifestyle and whether she would fit in. It was only after he died, leaving a legacy of the live they would have shared if she had chosen a different path. Her children, now adults, learning what she gave up to stay with them.
But it was too late. He Robert spent his life living adventures with and for her, but without her presence, only to die and send back his memories. I've never experienced such love myself, but I can imagine that if it was to come, there would be a reason I could not have it. I would never be able to embrace the love that was brought it to me.
Similarly, The Way We Were examined a great love of two inherently different people. Despite their great affection for each other, they had to finally face the fact that they would never find peace in each others arms, only more tests and tribulations. While excitement came of such ventures, families and futures did not. Another great love was lost due to differing opinions and the need to espresso their way of living separately.
Watching the final scene, as they run not each other n the street, knowing how deeply the did and still do care for one anger, but never able to live with the consequences of heir love, and observing each others great happiness without that love ripped from me great sobs of loss.
The final movie that exacted from me great joy that love can exact meaning in s many strange ways was Leaving Las Vegas. I cannot, at this moment, recall the characters names, but that their expectations of each other we're only to love as much as the other was willing to give and nothing more, without judgement was so beautiful to me.
All three movies elicit from me such different emotions, all are so pure and yet I don't believe I will ever encounter a love matching any of them myself. I don't know if it's because loves looked those written don't truly exist or because I'm not capable of receiving them. It has to come down to one or the other, right?
I seem to be fairly good at sending people packing with a mere slip of the tongue. What was once "I love you more" becomes "I'd like you to leave please" and I never know what comes between. My geisha qualities being slim, I can make a guess, but that's all support to count against true love, further proving I've never experienced it.
Take me as I am and don't expect fairy tales and maybe dreams can come true. Or, at least a slight run at the damned impossible. I do know when you say you're willing to stand by during the hard times, even the first one counts. And the second, as there will likely be more bad than good as you find your footing. That's what makes the long term incredible everlasting love we SHOULD be writing movies about.
Share your favorite movies, thoughts and expectations with me. Frak knows I can use the advice. The photo represents the cold, barren aspect of my love life. Feel the weight of THAT on your shoulders!
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