My daily emotional dump...

It's funny how things creep up on you. I've been attributing hormones, stress, all around depression, loneliness and a whole host of other reasons to why I feel like I feel. To why I make the decisions, good or bad, that I make.

The last couple years have showered me with shit. Shit that equals challenges such as car accidents, assaults, physical and emotional turmoil...and I do tend to get stuck underneath it. I try to keep the smile (although it's no longer mine), the laughter and the overall entertainment value high (even if it's delivered in a mixture of "it's all about me" and "I hate people"), but I am not always successful.

While I've been living in this post-apocalyptic Carissaism, trying to be everything and nothing to all people, I have this one nagging date creeping in. November 1st. We are moving our office to an incredible new location...25th floor, awesome views. A really great space. Of course I'm in a fishbowl, the only inner office in the suite and walled with glass, but outside of that, it's a great change. Stressful getting there, but the payoff should feel fabulous.

What else is happening on November 1st? That's the next potential parole hearing date for my ex who doesn't yet know he's an ex. The man who assaulted me. The one I truly thought, given some time to stew in his own juices, would grow up, realize what potential beauty he had in life and change. Ok - I was an idiot with flights of fancy. I had no real belief he would be able to change, it was just that basic human emotion - hope. I wanted my assault, my pain and loss to actually mean something. Turns out I'm just like every other victim of crime. A victim. No lofty changes will be gained from my pain, no good will be gained. His children still will not have a father. I will never have the movie-moment ending. No thank you for standing by him, trying to get him help even after he violated me. No nothing. But I let the fucking entertainment crap I watch so effortlessly to lead me to believe some good could come out of evil. Jokes on me.

Last week the inmate tracker system was down. I lost track of my inmate. I thought maybe he was out. And all of my bravado swirled down the drain. I was absolutely paralyzed. Then I got a long, long letter. The ramblings of a man in pain, a man who cannot see the forest through the trees, still not willing to let the light in and see his own contribution to what his life has become.

So. November 1st. Big day. I have no idea what it holds. And it's scaring the shit out of me.

Know what's wild? Not knowing if it's your age, culture or just overall differences that get in the way of something really cool. Ten years ago I met an awesome person online. He was far, far away. But that didn't stop us from connecting on a very deep level. He may not know it, but I've considered him one of my very best friends ever since. Just recently I had a similar opportunity and an equally deep connection. It was squashed after two weeks. I connected with this person in so many ways, but it was withdrawn without any understandable endgame. Can you share too much? Is it better to leave some things left unsaid? When is truth worse than lies? Meeting people online without the benefit of face to face contact can really challenge your every move. I didn't win this time, in spite of a feeling of trust I haven't had in a long time. Such is the game we call life. We can only hope that by giving the best, most truthful parts of ourselves, we will prevail. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out that way. I hope the rest of you have better luck and form lasting friendships in this new frontier. Love and kisses to all...

Trust me, there's no such thing as Sharktopus!

Oh really? Just how dumb do you think I am? Do you think I don't watch TV? OF COURSE there is a Sharktopus! I am right in the middle of watching this badass creature do some serious damage. The title of this post? Yeah, it was said right before a sharktopus reached up and grabbed a man off the side of a boat, squeezed the guts out of him and ATE him. So, there's that. I never thought of octopuses as being that aggressive, but when you've got eight massive tentacles on a shark hell-bent on a murderous rampage, you have yourself a killing machine!

Eric Roberts somehow found himself the star of this awesome Syfy original, and he is a very, very bad man. Mr. Roberts has a way about him and I just tend to believe he didn't even know he was being filmed. Something was awfully fishy about this whole "movie." He has been taking money from the government and using it to "tweak" the animal his daughter (who looks nothing like Emma) worked so very, very (yes, there are a lot of very verys here ... lots) hard to create. And did he tell her he manipulated her genetic-y stuff? Nooooo. Why would he do that? Poor sharktopus, probably a real love at heart, was made into a monster by her loving father. Daughter must have had an English mother, because although she was American, she had one hell of an accent. She tried really hard to sound American, so I figure her school friends must have made fun of her and her funny accent.

Anywho ... sharktopus really WAS a nice shark ... err ... octopus ... critter. In the first scene, when he was still wearing this mouth brace thingy and responding to commands from Ms. English Daughter Scientist Girl, he pulled back and saved a chick from a regular shark when he could have had a nice, tasty bikinied treat in his grasp. How nice is that? Everything went awry when he shook off his mouth guard. I have no idea how they got film of all of these people being killed by a sharktopus, of all things, but they did!

This really unattractive girl (who had a boyfriend -- oh really??) was afraid of heights, but her boyfriend made her bungie jump over the ocean. She loved it so much she did it TWICE. Well, doncha know, second time that blasted sharktopus just jumped and ate her right up. I saw it -- live! OMG. He was apparently so turned on that he tried to eat a Volkswagon off the cliff by pulling it down with his tentacles! That's what makes sharktopus so deadly. Dude can walk, climb, grab, chew and even growl. Growl!

OK, OK. I know. There is no such thing as a sharktopus. But, there really should be. There is no reason I can think of that all of these vacationers should get to spend their hard earned money and have a good time when I don't. I love that in spite of the recent resurgence of his career, Eric Roberts still gives it his all for a good B movie. I love that Syfy has not given up the ghost amid the naysayers who said Syfy, um, jumped the sharktopus by keeping the cheese alive. Growing up with Saturday and Sunday afternoon creature features made for some great memories. If I had kids, I'd make them watch Syfy with me all weekend. If nothing else, they'd learn respect for the unknown and would be scared as hell to do anything they shouldn't. Those naughty kids always get eaten in the end. Booyaa!

Reactions over Ariz. law ruling range from relief to rage - USATODAY.com

Reactions over Ariz. law ruling range from relief to rage - USATODAY.com

Newsflash! Arizona is not hostile to Hispanics, but to ILLEGAL Hispanics. There is a huge difference.

If all of the illegals are such great people, then why didn't the follow the rules to come here, like so many of their fellow countrymen and others from countries outside of the North American continent have done?

I like to welcome healthy, law abiding visitors to apply for citizenship, not those who don't have the guts to put it all out on the table in their desire to be an American citizen. Nor do I enjoy those who want our country to become more like the one they ran from, instead of assimilating to the one that beckoned in the first place. If where you were was so fabulous, then you would have stayed. Because it is not, then embrace the American culture while preserving your own, like so many generations before you. I don't think this is too much to ask.

I like amnesty - for everyone who has already started the citizenship process and have waited for approval. If we're going to "fix" the system, then lets start by showing our appreciation to those who have followed our laws.

APPALLING!!! Court Upholds Expulsion of Counseling Student Who Opposes Homosexuality

FOXNews.com - Court Upholds Expulsion of Counseling Student Who Opposes Homosexuality

This is completely unacceptable. At this point, there is not even a compelling argument for biological homosexuality. Until there is definitive proof of that biological element, people have a right to believe what they want to believe. They can believe in homosexuality, or they can choose not to believe.

The problem here is, again, someone saying that we HAVE to think like everyone else thinks. No, unkind sirs, we do not. If a student doesn't believe the holocaust was real, are they denied an education because of it? I would certainly hope not. Believing in God is as rational as believing in aliens - should one of those students be denied an education based upon their beliefs? No. Students should be able to logically argue ANY point and remain in school.

To take away supposition and debate is to squash all intellectual and educational expansion. If someone in the future wants to deny said student of a position at their school, that is their right. But the right to an eduction should NEVER be based upon a student's belief system.